It's Thursday night around 9:13 pm in Columbus, Ohio. I am anxiously awaiting the weekend so I can go shopping with my Mom (and not have to get up at 4:30 am for boot camp). I am exhausted today from all the going-ons in my life. And since I'm a girly-girl, I'm frustrated with all the new articles and tips recommending to only wash your hair once or twice a week. I happen to wash my hair everyday and now I feel I must allow essential oils to nourish my strands. Well fine, but I hate oily hair and walking around with it makes me feel dirty. In my opinion I think it leads to clogged pores and dirty ears but now I'm just on a soapbox. Ugh.
So on to the real chaos. I had a fight with my boyfriend last night and I'm worried he is beginning to display behaviors of a controlling person. He has been away for almost six months and has written me countless love letters and called me several times each week. We do get to see each other every so often but being apart is still tough. He (okay- his name is Jonathan), has planned every day for us after we're reunited. I love that he has put so much detail into our relationship and wants to surprise me, but that's not the issue.
Last night he informed me the first Friday he's home I'm taking him out for his birthday. Well okay, first weekend out and of course I'll treat. Honestly, I'm perfectly happy with taking him out and looking forward to it. The issue lies with the next two Friday nights. I'll start with the second weekend in May. He agreed to go with me to a charity performance for a children's hospital and meet my friends who happen to be in the dance number. I was excited to introduce him to everyone but then received an email from one of his guy friends stating he was planning a surprise party for him the same night. Well of course I gladly accepted his friend's request to help surprise my boyfriend and I was happy his friend cares so much. Then Jonathan informs me the prior weekend he is also going out with another guy to play pool. Okay... I totally respect the guy's need to have a guy's night out but he hasn't seen me in six months and the first few weekends he spends with the guys. Seriously???
I let him know I was a little offended but he reminded me he didn't plan the party (I'm no good at keeping secrets). Then he replied with, "I knew you would react this way because you're not spending every minute with me." Excuse me! I never planned every minute with you, that was your doing. I have my own life, girls, and of course girl's night out not to mention we've been apart for six months! Since when am I needy or dependent? I've practically been on my own since fifth grade.
I realized he was using an immature control tactic to make me feel guity and get his way. I also notice he is paranoid I will be with other guys when I go out and has wanted me to stop seeing certain friends (the ones who go out) because they are bad influences on me. I suddenly feel slightly suffocated and angry because I recognize this behavior from my past abusive relationship. Will he change? Is it just my imagination? I'm not sure but this time around I have my eyes open. I love him, but I won't accept bad treatment. I have come too far and maybe just maybe I'll see my dreams come true some day.
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