I really should be doing a million other things right now but I'm a student and figure it entitles me to some degree of procrastination. I really feel the need to say, "Ahhh, Monday."
My day began with bootcamp for women, a grueling hour of intense fitness at 5:30 am. At the time I signed up I was excited and ready to make a healthy change. The first week I nearly threw up, cried, and I finished in last place when I ran (more like walk/jog) the mile. That week I seriously doubted I was cut out for bootcamp and wanted to hide under my bed when the alarm sounded at 4:30 am. Day three was so severe I could barely move and no amount of advil or ice packs seemed to touch my screaming muscles. I've worked out with personal trainers in the past but never experienced this intensity. My coach has oodles of neat letters after his name, has written books and articles, and was the physical trainer for the Columbus Crew soccer team. He is a great coach and although I'd never say it to him, he is the human version of the reindeer coach in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. He's just got that whole "coachiness" thing going on, complete with whistle.
This week I have a new perspective. I am over the soreness, over with feeling out of place. I figured so what if I can't do side plank push-ups the way the other campers can. I try anyways and I think I'm starting to feel like something bigger than myself. It's a good feeling and in all honesty, the best part is not being sore. It was an athletic feat just to lower myself to the... um, you know. I haven't lost much yet, just about five pounds but I feel better and am starting to get more energy through the day. New perspective- Who cares what other more fit, marathon running women think because I'm just as determined to achieve my goals.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
First Entry: Beginnings
Where to begin... the meat aisle at Kroger's is good enough for me. Tonight I had a craving for meatloaf and found myself going to buy a package of ground chuck. What's odd is I haven't craved beef since my divorce three years ago. I'm choosing to believe my sudden desire for red meat is a sign of change to come- I am hoping for a good outcome. It's in the oven now and I can smell the brown sugar and ketchup glaze. I've never made a meatloaf before and I didn't use a recipe so wish me luck.
On another note, I'm glad I began my story in the grocery store. For whatever reason it is a place I find solace in and remember nights walking aimlessly through aisles to survive until morning. I would look for foods I'd never tried before and would always end up buying some gourmet salad dressing, Vienna sausages, and orange juice. The other day I bought sardines in mustard sauce because they reminded me of my grandfather. I miss him. I went on a bit of a sardine kick and googled everything related to sardines and found out they are very healthy food. I almost bought the Sardine Diet but opted against it last minute due to my coworkers giving me a hard time. I use mouthwash people.
Tonight I felt overwhelmed, as if my life thus far has been a touch meaningless. I felt scared of my future and wished I had made better choices in my past. Yes I survived an abusive relationship but so have many others. When it boiled down, I felt alone and rejected my siblings. It is hard being thirty-one, back in college, working part-time with not having enough money to survive, having no children to love, and no husband. And yet, people look at me and think I have so much... and I do, I really do. The grocery store is the one place that makes me stop and focus, think and re-think. I am not the failure I have been called before. I will overcome my personal obstacles. I am surrounded by wonderful people and my siblings are well meaning and very busy individuals. I want to break out of this rut and accomplish everything I've dreamed.
This week I'm applying for internships and I am hoping and praying someone will give me a chance to work hard and accomplish great things. I feel a little out of place competing against twenty-somethings and am worried my interviewers will take one look at me and wonder why I'm not home raising kids or already climbing the career ladder. Although I have fear, I won't let it stop me. I'm going to press on until I find something I can do and do well. It's easy to say all of this positive attitude stuff but in the end I know it will be me getting up, sending the resume, and ultimately making my dreams a reality- with a little prayer and help from my God up above of course.
As for the meatloaf... yum! No recipe, just a little bit of this and that and quite frankly it was darn good. Put the beef in a bowl, one egg, some milk, garlic, bread crumbs, pepper, Worcestershire, ketchup, brown sugar, mustard and then I glazed it with more brown sugar, ketchup, and mustard. Set it on a rack to let the fat drip out and then fell in love with some good 'ole comfort food.
On another note, I'm glad I began my story in the grocery store. For whatever reason it is a place I find solace in and remember nights walking aimlessly through aisles to survive until morning. I would look for foods I'd never tried before and would always end up buying some gourmet salad dressing, Vienna sausages, and orange juice. The other day I bought sardines in mustard sauce because they reminded me of my grandfather. I miss him. I went on a bit of a sardine kick and googled everything related to sardines and found out they are very healthy food. I almost bought the Sardine Diet but opted against it last minute due to my coworkers giving me a hard time. I use mouthwash people.
Tonight I felt overwhelmed, as if my life thus far has been a touch meaningless. I felt scared of my future and wished I had made better choices in my past. Yes I survived an abusive relationship but so have many others. When it boiled down, I felt alone and rejected my siblings. It is hard being thirty-one, back in college, working part-time with not having enough money to survive, having no children to love, and no husband. And yet, people look at me and think I have so much... and I do, I really do. The grocery store is the one place that makes me stop and focus, think and re-think. I am not the failure I have been called before. I will overcome my personal obstacles. I am surrounded by wonderful people and my siblings are well meaning and very busy individuals. I want to break out of this rut and accomplish everything I've dreamed.
This week I'm applying for internships and I am hoping and praying someone will give me a chance to work hard and accomplish great things. I feel a little out of place competing against twenty-somethings and am worried my interviewers will take one look at me and wonder why I'm not home raising kids or already climbing the career ladder. Although I have fear, I won't let it stop me. I'm going to press on until I find something I can do and do well. It's easy to say all of this positive attitude stuff but in the end I know it will be me getting up, sending the resume, and ultimately making my dreams a reality- with a little prayer and help from my God up above of course.
As for the meatloaf... yum! No recipe, just a little bit of this and that and quite frankly it was darn good. Put the beef in a bowl, one egg, some milk, garlic, bread crumbs, pepper, Worcestershire, ketchup, brown sugar, mustard and then I glazed it with more brown sugar, ketchup, and mustard. Set it on a rack to let the fat drip out and then fell in love with some good 'ole comfort food.
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